Monday, July 28, 2014

Old School 101: Accountability, or If You Ain’t Cheatin’, You Ain’t Tryin’?


Academic dishonesty was a (if not “the”) pet peeve of this now retired public school teacher. My gripe was not merely about morality, but also about practicality. If “your” work is not showing the teacher the results of “your” thinking, how can said teacher be expected to guide “your” understanding?

Instructional innovation over time has clouded the distinction between collaborative effort and “cheating,” already and inherently a “gray area” in the teaching and learning process. Stir in some data-driven “accountability”; post school “rankings” in the newspaper right along with the major league standings. Little wonder “If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’!” has become a lifestyle rather than a ballplayer’s excuse.


Especially in a city where Enron Field can morph overnight into Minute Maid Park – and the team that plays there can lose 100 games while simultaneously being anointed its sport’s most profitable. Now there’s an Exit-Level Math problem for your state-mandated test.

But I digress.

The second half of my career was spent teaching English to the freshmen in a well-respected college-prep magnet program. The primary challenge to building an entry-level course for those students in that setting was finding and tweaking the appropriate level of difficulty (and maybe subtlety) in the work itself.

The issue of cheating was the furthest thing from my mind. My attitude pretty much was that any kid who needed to cheat to survive as a magnet-school freshman was unlikely to become a magnet-school junior. During a meeting of the magnet staff during my rookie year, I pointed out (only partly in jest) that there had been times in my middle-school teaching days when I’d consider a student’s caring enough to cheat a sign of progress. (I can still conjure up in my mind’s eye the expression on the face of one of my new colleagues to that little nugget of pedagogy.)

“What did you put for question such-and-such?”

If the inquiring mind simply writes the other student’s answer on his own paper? There’s no way to justify that – not in a competitive academic environment. However, if a student has thought through “question such-and-such” and wishes to compare with another student who has done the same? In a test setting, that would clearly be wrong … but not necessarily for an item on a homework assignment, huh? Such academic effort and curiosity in kids should be encouraged. Sometimes students’ curiosity and creativity are directed towards techniques by which to work smarter rather than harder. On occasion – e.g. “You do the even numbers, I’ll do the odd, then we swap answers.” – they “out-smart” themselves and end up crossing the line.

As time passed and I became more acclimated to the magnet program and its culture, I began to wonder whether my laid-back, often subtle approach to this matter was actually exacerbating what some peers perceived to be a problem. There was even a rumor afloat that some upper-classmen were promoting creative cheating as an academic survival skill.

Now, I have nothing against creativity – indeed I tried to discover ways to encourage and reward it.

But it requires little ingenuity to copy someone else’s homework … and to submit such “work” as one’s own opens a whole ‘nother can of worms, all of them slimy and distasteful.

Often enough, something would catch my eye and arouse my suspicion: multiple uses of an illogical answer, repeated and identical misspellings, journal entries that seem unusually familiar.

And then there was this little scenario –

Student: I had the same answer to #whatever as so-and-so. Why did you mark mine wrong?
Teacher: Why don’t you read #whatever on both papers.
Student: Oh, you mean there’s two versions of the worksheet?

How dare I, huh?

‘Twould seem my laissez-faire, law-of-natural-selection approach wasn’t working out so well. One colleague, both a PHD and superb teacher (not always a “given”), went so far as to stop assigning homework altogether.

My approach to these situations grew less subtle, my comments not always private. What was once a brief, moralistic digression was becoming a sermon, then a diatribe, and ultimately a downright hissy-fit, replete with parental as well as administrative involvement.

A hissy-fit was indeed a sight to behold, typically lasting for several days. I’d minimize my classroom interaction with the students, opting for “pop” quizzes and other types of independent classwork. Anger and irritation would ooze from every pore. Sometimes a little embellishment can induce the right kind of peer pressure.

A little pressure from home wouldn’t hurt, either. Thus, for the students whose “academic dishonesty” had caused my distemper, a parent signature verifying authenticity would be required for all work completed outside of class. I figured I’d give the parental units a little incentive for issuing a stern “Never Again!” Over a couple of weeks or so, a student or two at a time, I’d rescind this policy.

This grand display of mine did engender a little inconvenience – some additional paperwork, several parent conferences. One parent was unwise enough to actually say “How dare you” and defend her child, even when presented with the evidence. Our little chat was soon joined by a counselor and assistant principal.

It would be untruthful to claim that I’d foreseen and planned the whole thing. Once I got going, I just trusted my instincts. The objective was to generate a sense of “Don’t make him do THAT again!” in the students.

Did the tactic work?

Not in perpetuity, since I felt compelled to deliver an encore performance of sorts every three or four years. A benefit to the repetition was that there were always kids on campus who could vouch first hand for my attitude on the issue. Predictably, few of the participants in the shenanigans survived in the program for very long. (Overall, our retention rate from freshman to sophomore year was always about 85 percent.)

Like the old folk (including, in my case, numerous nuns) used to tell us, when you cheat, you’re only cheating yourself.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Old School 101: The Basic Sentence Unit



“In only the post-seasons of 2006 to the present has this likewise been true.”

Those words emanated from my pen – literally – a few days ago while scribing a rather ponderous piece on how the NBA has chosen to structure and adjust its post-season playoff tournament through the years.
During a lengthy career as a secondary-school English teacher (sentence structure a specialty), such an arrangement of verbiage would have had a place in my course – quite possibly as the basis for some extra-credit grammatical questions on a test or quiz. For example,

·         Which word is the simple subject of this structurally simple sentence? (Hint: It’s the only pronoun in the sentence.)
·         Identify any two words in this sentence that are adjectives.
·         What is the second prepositional phrase in this sentence?
·         Match the word with its part of speech (as it’s being used in this sentence):
1.       “present”     (a) noun
2.       “likewise”     (b) verb
3.       “been”          © adverb

In those more technologically simple days of teaching, my class’s initial activity frequently was the grammatical analysis of a short set of sentences from the blackboard. It was a versatile little teaching practice: suitable for review, a practical context for revealing some new syntactical twist, a familiar way to introduce the style or idiosyncrasy of a to-be-studied author. That the ultimate teaching purpose was not readily apparent created an edgy curiosity in a certain kind of student and spurred its share of teachable moments, within and without the curriculum. (I was given a hefty push down the path to retirement when non-school-based administrative authority mandated, in order to facilitate the teacher assessment process, the prominent posting in the classroom of the learning objective(s) for that particular usage of valuable teaching time.)

Whether pre-planned or a spontaneous reaction to what was deemed a collectively inadequate effort, the ever-popular “pop quiz,” accompanied by the obligatory adolescent groan, paid regular visits to my classroom.

In our “sentence-du-jour,” an Abacus-trained sentence-parser would immediately spot the introductory prepositional phrases, three of them. The second of my short series of Grammar Packets establishes as a rule that the Subject, Verb Phrase and Complement in a sentence will never be discovered within the confines of a prepositional phrase.

Well, that wipes out all but the last five words, two of which clearly are verbs. Indeed “has” and “been” are among the 23 helping (or auxiliary, as they are called in really old textbooks) verbs available for use in proper English – not including colloquialisms like “should of” and whatnot.

Now, a convenient little custom in how our language has evolved is that a helping verb, while not a mandatory element in any sentence, will always precede the main verb that it’s assisting. So, is “true” our main verb here – heck, is “true” a verb at all? Something gets described as “true” or valid. Describing words are adverbs or adjectives, not verbs.

Apparently, “has been” is the verb phrase, making “been” (one of the eight forms of the common verb “to be”) the main verb, i.e. the simple predicate. Aha, that actually clears things up significantly – the sentence has a Linking Verb rather than an Action Verb. (A “Be” form, when used as the main verb, is always and automatically Linking.)

Here are a couple of pieces of helpful language trivia for ya. A sentence with a linking verb is required to have a complement; that complement may be a noun, a pronoun or an adjective; and the job of said complement is to rename or to describe the subject of that very sentence. E.g.

Fluffy [subj] is [LV] a beagle [comp].
She [subj] is [LV] friendly [comp].

Then “true” must be the complement – technically a Predicate Adjective – and the message of the sentence-in-question must be that something or other “has been true.” (Notice that the series of prepositional phrases identifies the time frame for this particular bit of veracity.) Even though it wasn’t part of this version of the assessment instrument, we’re left with the question of the subject of the sentence. The only possibilities we seem to have are “this” and “likewise.” The latter, which conveys the meaning “in the same way,” answers the question “How,” information typically provided by an adverb.



The word “this” is most frequently used as an adjective to specify “Which one.” But it’s also a demonstrative pronoun – remember “dis, dat, dese and dose”? – and as such is allowed to serve as the subject of a sentence. (Notice how “She” substitutes for “Fluffy” as the subject of the second “friendly beagle” sentence above. A pronoun still takes the place of a noun, right?)

Upon embarking with any group of students on a “journey” through a piece of Shakespearean drama – Romeo & Juliet dozens of times with my freshmen; Julius Caesar with sophomores a few times; even Macbeth in a couple of once-over-lightly treatments with seniors during summer income-embellishment sessions – the student/“passengers” were asked to cast such a grammatically discerning eye to the following polite refusal of a request to dance:

My feet can keep no measure in delight
When my poor heart no measure keeps in grief.

Almost all students, many without the benefit of instructor-input, could recognize the patterns and pieces of this centuries-old usage of their language. The fun question to ask was always, “OK, now, what does it mean?”



In today’s sentence, the question we’re left with is, “OK, now, what does ‘this’ mean?”

Any guesses?

“Teach” is offering Extra Credit.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

WNBA 2014: Six Week Power Rankings


“Where have you gone, Rebekkah Brunson…
Your Lynx teammates are struggling today. Hey, hey, hey.
The Mercury and the ‘Lanta Dream
Have matched your superiority. Hee, hee, hee.”

My apologies (especially to Simon & Garfunkel), these lyrical convolutions (emphasis on the “co-“) overtake me on occasion. Catch me at the right time and I just might be singing “Pinball Wizard” to the tune of “The Yellow Rose of Texas.” Really!!

Out-dated musical mayhem aside, the Merc’ and Dream, both under the leadership of new coaches, are running side-by-side with the defending champions, a cut above the rest of the WNBA. The continuing loss of Super Soph Elena Della Donne has brought Chicago’s stratospheric early performance back to earth.

On the other end of the spectrum, the acquisition of double-double machine Tina Charles has yet to pay dividends for Bill Laimbeer’s New York Liberty. While the spirited play of TC’s replacement in CT, Kelsey Bone (another in an impressive crop of second-year players), has the Sun on an up-tick.

And Carol Ross’s Los Angeles Sparks have been downright schizophrenic.

Last Thursday (June 26), marked the end of the season’s sixth week – a mid-point of sorts in a three-month regular season. Let’s put an Abacus to the season to that point.

Power Rankings --The Measurement Instrument

Our team-ranking tool utilizes four elements. Two scales are based solely on team wins and losses; the others are measures of the efficiency of team performance in comparison with the competition. First, we’ll simply use win-loss record irrespective of conference.

The second criterion will be the difference between a team’s road wins and its home losses. Since this cute little metric is said to be a personal favorite of long-time NBA coach George Karl (now at ESPN), let’s call this the Karl Kount (KK).

Criterion No. 3, Conversion Quotient (CQ), involves the rate at which a team converts its possessions into a successful field goals or free throw attempts. Like the KK, the computation is simple subtraction—a team’s rate of offensive efficiency minus that of the opponent.

Lastly, please allow Abacus to introduce the “SPOR-t” score. SPOR-t stands for “Shooting Plus Offensive Rebounds minus turnovers.” Add a team’s FG percentage and its offensive rebounding percentage (o. boards divided by missed FG’s). Then subtract the percentage of a team’s possessions lost to turnovers. For example, a team shoots field goals at a .488 clip, its offensive rebounds account for .199 of its missed field goals, and .143 of its possessions result in a turnover. So its SPOR-t is (488+199-143) or 544. Once again, our measurement will be the difference between the SPOR-t scores of a team and its opposition.

We’ll rank the teams from 1 to 12 in all criteria and simply add up the rankings. Low score wins, naturally.

No. 1 Phoenix Mercury (6)
[6-week ESPN rating: 1
3-week Abacus rating: 2
2013 Abacus Rating: 4]

9-3, .750; 1st seed West / 1st overall
KK:  +3; (4 Road Wins – 1 Home Loss) / No. 2 overall
CQ:  +59; (.530 - .471) / No. 1 overall
SPOR-t:  +61; (584-523) / No. 2 overall
Abacus Revelation: The Mercury are the league’s best shooting (.498) and most efficient (.530) squad, they rank third in the defensive equivalent of each of these categories.

No. 2 Minnesota Lynx (10)
[6-week ESPN rating: 2
3-week Abacus rating: 1
2013 Abacus Rating: 1]
11-4, .733; 2nd seed West / 2nd overall                                          
KK:  +5; (6 Road Wins – 1 Home Loss) / No. 1 overall
CQ:  +38; (.511 - .473) / No. 2 overall
SPOR-t:  +29; (554-525) / No. 5 overall
Abacus Revelation: Despite a mediocre (4-4) showing during the second three-weeks, the Lynx still commit the fewest turnovers in the league and sit No. 2 in FG shooting.  Alas, last year’s top offensive rebounding team currently ranks ninth in both procuring and preventing them.

No. 2 Atlanta Dream (10)
[6-week ESPN rating: 3
3-week Abacus rating: 6
2013 Abacus Rating: 4]
10-4, .571; 1st seed East / 3rd overall
KK:  +2; (3 Road Wins – 1 Home Loss) / No. 3 overall
CQ:  +36; (.493 - .457) / No. 3 overall
SPOR-t:  +96; (572-477) / No. 1 overall
Abacus Revelation: Though the Dream currently sit atop the circuit in defensive efficiency (opponents convert 45.7% of possessions), ‘twas not so after three weeks when a 48.9% rate placed them No. 10. The Atlanta defense throttled the other guys into a .413 FG% during that second three-weeks.

No. 4 Connecticut Sun (20.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 4
3-week Abacus rating: 12
2013 Abacus Rating: 12]
8-6, .571; 2nd seed East / 4th overall
KK:  -1; (1 Road Win – 2 Home Losses) / No. 7 overall (tied)
CQ:  0; (.482 - .482) / No. 5 overall
SPOR-t:  +32; (543-511) / No. 4 overall
Abacus Revelation: Despite being the league’s second-worst FG shooting team, the Sun do manage to take a second-best 22.3 free throws per game.

No. 5 Tulsa Shock (25)
[6-week ESPN rating: 7
3-week Abacus rating: 12
2013 Abacus Rating: 9]
6-7, .462; 4th seed West / 6th overall (tied)
KK:  +1; (2 Road Wins – 1 Home Loss) / No. 4 overall (tied)
CQ:  -10; (.512 - .522) / No. 8 overall
SPOR-t:  +22; (602-580) / No. 6 overall
Abacus Revelation: After a discouraging 0-5 start to the season, the Shock have ranked No. 2 in Offensive Rebounding Percentage, taking care of the ball and Conversion Percentage. Defensive woes persist, including being dead last in Opponent per-game Free Throw attempts (23.5).

No. 6 Indiana Fever (25.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 5
3-week Abacus rating: 7
2013 Abacus Rating: 7]
6-7, .462; 4th seed East / 6th overall (tied)
KK:  0; (3 Road Wins – 3 Home Losses) / No. 6 overall
CQ:  -7; (.476 - .483) / No. 6 overall
SPOR-t:  -15; (497-512) / No. 7 overall
Abacus Revelation: The pesky Fever create a turnover on slightly better than one in five of their opponents’ possessions, best in the league. While their 25.1 free-throw attempts per game tops the circuit, they surrender 23.4, second-worst.

No. 7 Los Angeles Sparks (27)
[6-week ESPN rating: 11
3-week Abacus rating: 5
2013 Abacus Rating: 2]
5-8, .385; 5th seed West / 10th overall
KK:  -2; (2 Road Wins – 4 Home Losses) / No. 9 overall (tied)
CQ:  +14; (.486 - .472) / No. 4 overall
SPOR-t:  +45; (552-507) / No. 3 overall
Abacus Revelation: Opponents take over twice as many and make nearly two-and-a-half times as many three pointers as LA. The Sparks are second-worst in per-game FT attempts and only eight-best at taking care of the ball. Still, they are the third-best FG shooting (.453) team in the league.

No. 8 San Antonio Stars (34.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 6
3-week Abacus rating: 8
2013 Abacus Rating: 11]
7-8, .467; 3rd seed West / 5th overall
KK:  -1; (4 Road Wins – 5 Home Losses) / No. 7 overall (tied)
CQ:  -30; (.465 - .495) / No. 11 overall
SPOR-t:  -62; (487-549) / No. 11 overall
Abacus Revelation: The Stars rank dead last in Opponent FG%, and only 10th with their own shooting. Yet they win the turnover battle, maximize the three-point line and stay above water at the free throw line.

No. 9 Washington Mystics (36.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 9
3-week Abacus rating: 4
2013 Abacus rating: 6]
2013 Abacus Rating:6-9, .400; 5th seed East / 9th overall
KK:  -2; (3 Road Wins – 5 Home Losses) / No. 9 overall (tied)
CQ:  -20; (.449 - .469) / No. 9 overall (tied)
SPOR-t:  -25; (487-512) / No. 8 overall
Abacus Revelation: Though the least efficient offensive team (.447 conversion rate) in the circuit, the Mystics rank first in Opponent FG% (.409) and second in Opponent conversion rate (.469).

No. 10 Chicago Sky (37)
[6-week ESPN rating: 8
3-week Abacus rating: 3
2013 Abacus Rating: 3]
6-8, .429; 4th seed East / 8th overall
KK:  -4; (1 Road Win – 5 Home Losses) / No. 12 overall
CQ:  -9; (.486 - .495) / No. 7 overall
SPOR-t:  -40; (525-565) / No. 10 overall
Abacus Revelation: During a 5-1 start, Sky opponents shot .390 and converted 44.8% of possessions; during the next eight (1-7), the “bad guys” shot .465 and converted at a .529 rate. Oddly, the Sky forced turnovers at a higher rate when they were getting clobbered.

No. 11 Seattle Storm (39.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 10
3-week Abacus rating: 10
2013 Abacus Rating: 8]
6-10, .375; 6th seed West / 11th overall
KK:  +1; (3 Road Wins – 2 Home Losses) / No. 4 overall (tied)
CQ:  -39; (.451 - .490) / No. 12 overall
SPOR-t:  -107; (437-544) / No. 12 overall
Abacus Revelation: The Storm work hard to limit opponent free throw attempts (best in the league) and three-point attempts (among the top four). They rebound poorly (last in Offensive Rebounding Percentage) and take care of the ball just as well (second-to-last in Turnover Percentage – nearly 19%).

No. 12 New York Liberty (40.5)
[6-week ESPN rating: 12
3-week Abacus rating: 10
2013 Abacus Rating: 9]
4-10, .286; 6th seed East / 12th overall
KK:  -2; (1 Road Win – 3 Home Losses) / No. 9 overall (tied)
CQ:  -20; (.451 - .471) / No. 9 overall (tied)
SPOR-t:  -33; (461-494) / No. 9 overall
Abacus Revelation: Bill Laimbeer’s combative 2013 Liberty placed third in opponent FG percentage and opponent Offensive Rebounding percentage. This year’s group is first and second, respectively.

“Point” the Way

The WNBA is unusually rich in play-making guards these days. The Dream have added rookie Shoni Schimmel and Euro-vet Celine Dumerc. A re-juvenated Skylar Diggins has hooked up with Odyssey Sims (like Schimmel, a rook with a very special skill set) on a Tulsa roster that also includes steady soph Angel Goodrich – not to mention scoring machine Riquna Williams. Another rookie, Kayla McBride, is a beneficiary in San Antonio of All-Star (Danielle Robinson) and Olympic (Becky Hammon) grooming.

Old hands like Whalen, Taurasi and Bird keep conjuring up their hardwood wizardry.

And don’t bet against retiring Lin Dunn’s championship caliber Zellous-January combo.

Last season’s plague of debilitating injuries prompted numerous three-guard units…the practice continues.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

From Abacus’ Bookshelf: Recalling David Halberstam


It must have been quite a challenge to edit the sports literature of the late, great David Halberstam. At times, it’s a bit of a challenge simply to read it – though invariably a rewarded effort.

Whether he’s chronicling one of the most spectacular stretches (albeit brief) of basketball brilliance in the history of the NBA…

Whether he’s waxing boyishly nostalgic over the baseball heroes of his youth…

Whether he’s craftily connecting the puzzle pieces of a lifetime so as to account for the consistent superiority of the “best-in-the-business” pro football coach…

He has so thoroughly researched his subjects – to about seven layers of separation (the web of associations that led to a 23-year-old Bill Belichick’s first job in the NFL is stunning) – that the background stories and supporting characters occasionally take on a life of their own.

The “No-where” from which Billy Ray Bates came; the evolution and devolution of Kermit Washington; the big-city swagger of Tom Owen, an otherwise innocuous Big White Stiff in a league full of them; the toll taken on so fragile a thing as the human foot by the grind of big-time ball – and the consequent toll on the equally fragile human ego.

Ah, the breaks in the narrative make The Breaks of the Game, you might say.

But those lengthy breaks in the narrative create some herky-jerky “OK, now where were we?” moments. Additionally, Halberstam’s bountiful supply of sources can create occasional confusion regarding just whose little anecdote is being rendered at a given point.

In a closing notation to Summer of ’49, the author observes that any number of male friends would have been happy to conduct the interviews with his/their boyhood heroes. However, having resisted the impulse to play Tom Sawyer, he’s “left with the pleasure of having finished the book and, of course, the even greater pleasure of the doing of it.”

The greatest pleasure, and therefore the ultimate reward, is the opportunity to perform the task in the first place.

That’s what resonates about Halberstam’s work – each endeavor is truly a labor of love. Naturally, he brings to the task the eye and instinct of a trained historical researcher, indeed one of the best and brightest. Of course even the best and brightest of us, when offering explanation or rendering a tale, reach that uncomfortable moment of “Uh-oh, where was I going with all this?”

The cast of characters that peoples our wide world of sports, with their super-human skills and ever-so-human psyches, weaves a tapestry every bit as complex and intriguing as the best of Dickens or Ludlum. It requires a sharp eye to see the inner-workings and a unique voice to deliver the play-by-play.

With the aid of that frazzled editor, David Halberstam was able to pull it off time and again.

I miss that voice.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

My World and Welcome to It


I was recently adopted – no mean feat for a 57-year-old grandpa (technically, a great-grandfather, but that’s another story for another time). I’ve been accompanied into this new situation by the entire family, including our three energetic canines – all of whom have essentially been adoptees themselves.

About two weeks ago our backyard, long the dogs’ romping zone, became home, on the heels of a couple of days of heavy rain, to a good-sized turtle.

A crawling or swimming or flying critter is hardly a novel sight in the Bayou City. Before our grand-dog Duke moved in with us permanently, our property played host to numerous toads, a village of lizards, even the occasional snake. For several months, the front stoop was home to one tiny creature who seemed to be half-frog and half-lizard. He had long spindly legs with enough suction for him to maneuver safely on any vertical surface. The legs folded up neatly beside his inch-or-so long, lizard-esque body. At night, he’d feed on the insects attracted to the porch-light, rising up on those frog-legs to snatch dinner right out of the air. Then he’d attach himself high onto the narrow window by the door for a post-repast snooze.

It took this city slicker about a week to realize the stuff on the outside window sill was not just generic dirt. But hey, I didn’t know until the other day that a turtle has a tail, a separate opening in the shell for it as well, it seems.

To this day, I cannot put a name to that type of animal. I did, however, put a name to that particular animal. Somehow, I had begun calling him “Ignatius,” perhaps because I wondered whether he was an iguana or simply because it was a long and ostentatious moniker to bestow upon such a little bit of a thing.

Duke’s more frequent and ultimately permanent presence soon had Ignatius and the rest scurrying for a safer social setting. Of course, our most recent guest, while showing appropriate deference to the feet and snouts of the dogs, came equipped with his own protective gear, thus is less prone to flight. Initially, he’d “shelter-in-place” at the approach of anyone or anything, in no hurry to resume his foraging. Now, he still appears to be scoping out the scene from inside his shell, much quicker to unfurl his head like a charmed snake and inspect, more trusting of his surroundings and co-inhabitants.

The new arrival kept a pretty low profile for several days, lurking in the nooks, crannies and shadows. A time or two it seemed as if he must have waddled on back where he’d come from – then there he’d be again.

When my grandson the new kindergarten graduate and I began occasionally dousing him with tap water, a name became necessary. JJ came up with two good suggestions: Wrinkle Dinkle and Green Ranger. I tend to use the former, he the latter. Maybe we should split the difference and call him Green Wrinkle.

His timidity returned for a while earlier today, but it was probably a reaction to the noise and commotion of a visit from the lawn men. By late afternoon, his mobility returned, perhaps searching for the comfortable clumps of thick grass now missing from his world.

Unfortunately, the rigors of a hot, dry, South Texas summer do not bode well for our Wrinkle – at least not in his current digs.

My mind wafts its way back to the ‘70’s.

“If you love something, set it free!”

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

NBA Finals Numbers, While Not Lying, Are Stuttering


Numbers may not intentionally misrepresent…but they do discombobulate more than clarify on occasion. (Ever hear of vector geometry?)

Take the first two games of this year’s NBA Finals, for example. On both occasions, the losers compiled more offensive rebounds and fewer turnovers than did the winners. Counter-intuitive, isn’t it?

The same little oddity occurred in Games 5 & 7 of last season’s championship series between the same two teams. (In the iconic Game 6, the teams were even on the offensive glass while the winning Heat committed more turnovers than they forced.)

In terms of raw numbers, the San Antonio Spurs have been virtually indistinguishable from their opposition in some key areas during the past two regular seasons. In those 164 games, the Spurs and their opponents are separated by just 16 total rebounds, 28 turnovers and 37 free throw attempts – less than 0.25 of each per game. On top of that, they surrender almost two more offensive rebounds per game than they retrieve.

How were they able to outscore the other guys by 1,164 points and win 120 of those games?

Well, over 300 of those points come from an edge in successful three-point shots. In all, the Spurs managed to make over 400 more field goals while attempting over 400 fewer.

San Antonio’s familiar Finals foe, during the same stretch, also converted over 400 more field goals than its opposition – and accomplished this feat on nearly 500 fewer shots. But that exceptional field-goal shooting and an identical win total end the list of numerical similarities between the two teams over the past two seasons.

The Heat are a heady and athletic team built to run rather than rebound…indeed they are among the poorest rebounding teams ever to win a championship. Their opponents have chased down over 500 more offensive rebounds, in excess of three per game.

The Heat have taken and made about 60 more treys than the other guys and gain about a point per game at the foul line. The generator of their near 1,000 point scoring differential is to be found in the turnover column, where the Heat have induced almost 300 more turnover than they’ve committed. They force a turnover on a league-best 17 percent of opponent possessions, while squandering opportunities at a 15 percent rate.

Yet, their last three Finals victories were accomplished without their most identifiable trait.

Traditional wisdom has always preached that defense wins championships. But these back-to-back Heat-Spurs Finals have featured the top two shooting teams in the league.

Little wonder that our numbers, while violating no Commandments, just don’t add up.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

WNBA 2014: Youth is Served – Until It Runs into the Lynx


Admit it, WNBA fan. You had reservations about Elena Della Donne’s decision not to play overseas on the heels of her Rookie of the Year showing last summer – especially when her Chicago Sky had been so unceremoniously upset in the opening round of the playoffs by the defending champs. You questioned her competitive nature or her love for the game. A smug “Aha!” was at the ready as play kicked off last month.

The Tulsa Shock’s Skylar Diggins, another of 2013’s touted “Three to See,” similarly raised eyebrows by making the same decision following a rookie season with more than its share of challenges, on both the personal and team front.

Perhaps it’s simply fresh legs, but each of the domestic D & D girls has started her sophomore pro season like the proverbial bull in a china shop. Both rank in the top ten not only in scoring, but also in free throw attempts. EDD squeezed 16 foul shots into 30 minutes of play the other night against the Sparks. Minnesota is the only team that has kept her off the stripe, yet she tops the league with seven attempts per game. Diggins’s 4.5-per-game pace rank her ninth.

The WNBA’s current top ten in free throw tries is actually an even generational split – five 2012 Olympians (Whalen, Taurasi, Parker, Moore and McCoughtry) and several likely candidates for the 2020 squad (Brittney Griner, Glory Johnson and this season’s top pick Chiney Ogwumike along with Della Donne and Diggins).


Successful basketball teams at any level seem to find their way to the foul line regularly while preventing their opponents from doing so. Let’s see who is best applying this old-school logic through the WNBA’s first 21 days of play: 

FTA’s per game              Opponents                             +/-

Indiana 25.33               Minnesota 15.0                 Phoenix +9.3
Phoenix 25.25              Seattle 15.5                       Minnesota +5.7
Minnesota 20.7           *Los Angeles 16.0              Indiana +4.1
Atlanta 19.7                *Phoenix 16.0                     Seattle +2.5
Chicago 18.83              San Antonio 17.0               Chicago +1.8
Connecticut 18.75         New York 17.3                 Los Angeles +0.8
Seattle 18.0                 *Chicago 17.5                     San Antonio -1.2
Tulsa 17.6                   *Washington 17.5                Washington -1.8
Los Angeles 16.8           Indiana 21.2                      New York -2.7
San Antonio 15.8           Connecticut 22.1               Connecticut -3.3
Washington 15.7             Tulsa 22.2                         Atlanta -3.9
New York 14.6                      Atlanta 23.6                              Tulsa -4.6

Michael Cooper’s Atlanta Dream offer an enticing array of talent that bears watching – and the early attendance numbers suggest more Atlantans are taking notice. First-round draft choice Shoni Schimmel’s clever play-making has jump-started the WNBA’s third-best field-goal shooting team and second-best offensive rebounding team. The primary beneficiary seems to be veteran center Erika de Souza, currently the league’s best-field goal shooter. She and the again healthy Sancho Lyttle form arguably the best front line in the circuit. They rank fourth and fifth, respectively, in overall rebounding.

For all their size and athleticism, though, the Dream are the league’s second worst team at preventing second chances. Even as Atlanta looked impressive to their home crowd and a national TV audience last week while repelling Los Angeles 93-85, they surrendered 15 offensive rebounds to the Sparks, their best output of the season. What say we examine these numbers:  [OR% = OR/(OR + Opp. DR)]

Off. Reb. %                         Opponents                                +/-

Connecticut .328               Washington .236                 Washington +48
Atlanta .312                       New York .244                  Connecticut +32
Indiana .291                       Phoenix .248                       Minnesota +22
Chicago .289                     Minnesota .253                    Phoenix +15
Tulsa .287                          Seattle .258                         Chicago +8
Washington .284                Chicago .281                       New York +4
Los Angeles .276               San Antonio .282                 Atlanta +2
Minnesota .275                  Los Angeles .287                 Tulsa -7
Phoenix .263                      Tulsa .294                            Los Angeles -11
New York .248                  Connecticut .296                  Seattle -34
San Antonio .245                Atlanta .310                         San Antonio -37
Seattle .224                        Indiana .353                         Indiana -62

The Cream of the WNBA Crop continues to reside in the Twin Cities. No Brunson, No Wright, No Problem! This is a heady bunch that works to make difficult that which their opponent tends to do well. For instance, Della Donne shot zero free throws in her team’s loss to the Lynx last month, her lone 0-fer of the season. It took Griner three games before she got a hand on a Lynx shot last year, and she had one block in two playoff games against them.

Big Brittney gets her first 2014 chance, in front of the ESPN cameras, next Sunday at the appropriately named Target Center. Set your DVR.